The "new" Saint Anthony Hymn (NSFC)

NSFC: Not Safe For Church. Just in case you were wondering...
(there's nothing scandalous or heretical in it, it's just not Mass material!)

To the tune of Christ be our Light

Where are my keys? I thought I had them

Now they're not here, and I'm locked out

No-one will be home until tea-time

Help me, St. Anthony...

Refrain:

Saint Anthony, finder of keys, purses and wallets

Saint Anthony, help find our stuff, show us the way

Where is my phone? Not in my handbag

Don't know the time, I can't call home

Without my phone, my life is chaos

Help me, St. Anthony...

Refrain

Where is my wife? Not where I left her

Asda is huge - where can she be?

Without her here, I'll just buy ice-cream

Help me, St. Anthony...

Refrain

Feel free to use as you see fit (for non-commercial ends only ;-) )